How Trying to Break a Simple Coffee Habit Ended Up Possibly Saving My Mental Health

Everyone knows that I love Starbucks coffee. Venti, Black. No room for cream. I would have one before class, one before my second class, and four more before the day was out. Financially, it wasn't hurting my pockets, as black coffee is $2.62. One day, during a stressful period, I almost fainted while giving a voice lesson. Since I'm hypoglycemic, I immediately think about the last time I had eaten. 

Except it was four days ago. 

Since then, I've realized that in stressful situations, coffee is a beverage I should consume in small doses. It keeps me from spiraling into an excessive caffeine intake. Recently, I've decided to cut back even more. What this decision led to BLEW MY MIND. 

In my efforts to break harmful habits and create healthy, sustainable new ones, my physical body must render itself to my mind. 

I have started keeping a journal - which I have started many times, in a new notebook, with new pens and pencils to satisfy my need to start fresh - and have written in it consistently for the last few weeks or so. At first, committing to a certain amount of pages every day seemed to be daunting. My penmanship suffered as I reached for anything to write down. I must admit, the first few days were terrible. 

As the time went on, I realized that the power to truly change the world is inside of my mind, body, and spirit. All I had to do was to let go. 

Letting go of past hurts, letting go of current hurts can be very difficult. In my mind, if I wasn't mad about it anymore, does that mean that I condone what happened? No. It means that I'm just moving on. 

As the time went on, I realized that I am a creature of habit - and the reasons I have certain habits is because I do not want to address certain things in my life. Becoming more 'busy' didn't help in the way I needed, it only made the 'things' deeper. Being vulnerable is a place that I don't like to live in, but in order for me to grow, it is required of me. 

As the time went on, I realized that time is my most important currency. As much as I want to be available to people, if my cup is empty - there is nothing to give. There is absolutely nothing to give. That is a FACT. And the reason why I've felt so empty for many years. 

By no means am I placing the responsibility of my happiness on others. This is not a "woe is me" post. I accept full responsibility of this predicament. I ended up here because of decisions I made. More importantly, I didn't end up here overnight. So the road to my richland (check out my new Insta... @road.to.richland) started here, with these three action steps:

1.) Meals, whether alone or with friends, is not time for the phone, e-mails, work, etc. 

2.) I will commune/check-in with my spirit every day in the form of writing, gym time, or a outside walk.  

3.) I will reconcile my creative schedule, work schedule, and accomplish what can be done, and delegate the rest. Which means saying, "no" sometimes. 

This is how trying to break a simple habit such as drinking too much coffee ended up possibly saving my mental health.